”You know you are in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
Dr. Seuss
Thought of the Day
January 26th, 2012For Pet Owners (or Not)
January 25th, 2012FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON’T, IT’S ALSO A TRUE STORY.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that it is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time,there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN…
(1) They live here….you don’t.
(2) If you don’t want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.That’s why they call it “fur”niture.
(3) I like my pets a whole lot better than I like most people!
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1) eat less,
2) don’t ask for money all the time,
3) are easier to train,
4) normally come when called,
5) never ask to drive the car,
6) don’t hang out with drug-using people;
7) don’t smoke or drink,
don’t want to wear your clothes,
9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Thought of the Day
January 25th, 2012I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher
A History Lesson
January 23rd, 2012Subject: Why did the British wear red coats in battle?
During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British “red coat.”
Many people have asked, “Why did the British wear red coats in battle?”
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, “Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?”
In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are wounded, the blood won’t show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.
And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.
Chytré Ženy
January 23rd, 2012
Budúcnosť Eura
January 23rd, 2012
Helpful Hints for Winter
January 23rd, 2012* Keep your headlights clear with car wax! Just wipe ordinary car wax on your headlights. It contains special water repellents that will prevent that messy mixture from accumulating on your lights – lasts 6 weeks.
* Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol! Wipe the wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia. This one trick can make badly streaking & squeaking wipers change to near perfect silence & clarity.
*Ice-proof your windows with vinegar! Frost on it’s way? Just fill a spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water & spritz it on all your windows at night. In the morning, they’ll be clear of icy mess. Vinegar contains acetic acid, which raises the melting point of water—preventing water from freezing!
* Prevent car doors from freezing shut with cooking spray! Spritz cooking oil on the rubber seals around car doors & rub it in with a paper towel. The cooking spray prevents water from melting into the rubber
* Fog-proof your windshield with shaving cream! Spray some shaving cream on the inside of your windshield & wipe if off with paper towels. Shaving cream has many of the same ingredients found in commercial defoggers.
* De-ice your lock in seconds with hand sanitizer! Just put some hand sanitizer gel on the key & the lock & the problems solved!
I got this from a friend of mine, I haven’t tried any of it yet! I hope it works!
