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Archive for March, 2009
Kids Say the Darndest Things
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009Cats
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
“Bird watching”
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009The fellow sitting on the tailgate of his pickup truck never realized the show he was missing.
(620 mm effective Focal Length)
The little duck watches as the Eagle speeds straight at him at about 40 mph.
(760 mm effective Focal Length)
With perfect timing, the duck always dove and escaped with a mighty splash! Then he’d pop to the surface
as soon as the Eagle flew past. This was repeated over and over for several minutes. I worried the poor duck
would tire and that would be the end of him.
(1,040 mm effective Focal Length)
A second Eagle joins the attack! The duck kept diving “just in time”, so the Eagles began to dive into the water after him!
(1,150 mm effective Focal Length)
After several minutes the Eagles got frustrated and began to attack each other. They soon began to dive vertically, level out, and attack head-on in a good old-fashioned game of high-speed “Chicken”. Sometimes they banked away each other at the last possible second, other times they’d climb vertically and tear into each other while falling back toward the water. (The duck catches his breath at the right side of this picture.)
(900 mm effective Focal Length)
A terrible miscalculation! The luckiest shot of my life catches this 100 mph head-on collision between two Bald Eagles.
(1,320 mm effective Focal Length)
One Eagle stayed aloft and flew away, but the other lies motionless in a crumpled heap. The lucky duck survived to live another day.
(486 mm effective Focal Length)
It’s sad to watch an Eagle drown. He wiggled, flapped and struggled mostly underwater. He finally got his head above water and with great difficulty managed to get airborne. To my astonishment, he flew straight toward me, and it was the most wretched and unstable bird flight I’ve ever seen!
(620 mm effective Focal Length)
The bedraggled Eagle circled me once – then lit atop a nearby fir tree. He had a six-foot wingspread and looked mighty angry. I was concerned that I might be his next target, but he was so exhausted he just stared at me. Then I wondered if he would topple to the ground. As he tried to dry his feathers, it seemed to me that this beleaguered Eagle symbolized America in its current trials.
(1,200 mm effective Focal Length)
My half-hour wait was rewarded with this marvelous sight. He flew away, almost good as new…
May America recover as well.
(1,400 mm effective Focal Length)
Beware of that Underwear Dust
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
‘What the heck is this?’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.
‘April’, he hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’
She replied with a snicker. ‘It’s not talcum powder; it’s ‘Miracle Grow’!!!!!
The New Supermarket
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009A new Publix supermarket opened. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying .
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies…….
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
Birthday Calculator
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009This is amazing!
Click on the link below. It tells you how many hours and how many seconds you have been alive on this earth and when you were probably conceived.
How cool is that?
After you’ve finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the night you
were born. Who says our time clocks aren’t ticking…
Enjoy…
http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp
Money Angel
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009This has been sent to me as a Money Angel! They tell me, she really does work like magic! Let see what happens… I am sharing it with all of you, if you want, you can pass it on…
Affaire
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009Een vrouw had een geheime affaire terwijl haar man op het werk was. Op een dag lag ze met haar minnaar in bed, toen ze plotseling haar man’s auto de oprit hoorde komen. O mijn God, haast je! Grijp je kleren, riep ze naar haar minnaar, en spring uit het raam, mijn man komt thuis. Haar minnaar zei:
“Ja, maar ik kan niet uit het raam springen, het regent!”
“Joh, die regen is je minste zorg! Als die ons beiden ziet, vermoordt die ons!”
Dus hij pakt zijn kleren en springt uit het raam en begon te rennen. Onder het rennen ontdekte hij al snel dat hij midden in de jaarlijkse stadsmarathon terecht was gekomen. Dus hij besloot maar mee te rennen tussen de 300 anderen. Hij was nog steeds naakt, met z’n kleren onder zijn arm. Na een tijdje kwam een marathonloper naast hem rennen en vroeg:
“Ren je altijd naakt?” De man:
“Jazeker, het voelt geweldig, je voelt de lucht langs je huid waaien tijdens het rennen.”
Een andere marathonloper kwam naast hem rennen en vroeg:
“Draag je altijd je kleren onder je arm tijdens het rennen?” De man:
“Jazeker, dan kan ik me aan het einde van de marathon direct aankleden en in mijn auto naar huis rijden.”
Toen kwam een derde marathonloper naast hem rennen en vroeg:
“Heb je altijd een condoom om als je rent?” De man:
“Alleen als het regent.”
She Just Left My House…
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009Please keep her going….
She is walking for ovarian cancer. Please pass her on so that she can reach her destination. She’s walking around the world — via e-mail. Pass it on so she can reach her destination!
Ovarian Cancer Whispers – so listen… Watch for Pelvic or abdominal pain or discomfort; vague but persistent gastrointestinal upsets such as gas, nausea, and indigestion; frequency and / or urgency of urination in the absence of an infection; unexplained weight gain or weight loss; pelvic and / or abdominal swelling, bloating and / or feeling of fullness; ongoing unusual fatigue; or unexplained changes in bowel habits. If symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks, ask your doctor for a combination pelvic / rectal exam, CA-125 blood test, and transvaginal ultrasound.
Please keep her going – the further she goes, the more women just might be saved by looking out for the symptoms……
Thank you!
Dear Tide
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mum always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my lawyer called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
