Archive for January, 2010

Don’t Mess with the Old Folks

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Doctor’s Office and a SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

receptionist

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man… He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, ‘NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.’
The room erupted in applause!

DON’T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

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Ako Správne Zadávať PIN do Bankomatu ~ Redneck ATM Security

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

bankomat

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Neck Exercises

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Simply because I care about you all & in my continual thought for my friends, I offer you…

Neck Exercises to do at the computer

nursewave

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neckexer.

THERE…. MY WORK IS DONE!

YOU ARE WELCOME…

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Thought of the Day

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.
Bette Midler

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Thoufgt of the Day

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
Sir Winston Churchill

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Unique 2010 Calendar

Friday, January 29th, 2010

2010Calendar

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How Many Zeros in a Billion?

Friday, January 29th, 2010

This is too true to be funny.

The next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think about whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it’s releases.

1.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

2.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

3.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age…

4.
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

5.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

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While this thought is still fresh in our brain… let’s take a look at New Orleans… It’s amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number… what does it mean?

A.
Well… if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.

B.
Or… if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C.
Or… if you are a family of four… your family gets $2,066,012.

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Washington , D. C – HELLO! Are all your calculators broken??

Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax (Fed)
Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration T ax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
(And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt…
We had the largest middle class in the world…
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell ‘POLITICIANS’?!

And I still have to press ’1′ for English.
I hope this goes around the U S A at least 100 times!!!

WHAT the HECK HAPPENED?????

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Proč Nemají Muži Pracovat v Poradně

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Milý Honzo,

doufám, že mi dokážeš pomoci. Jednoho dne jsem nechala manžela koukat doma na televizi a odjela do práce. Asi tak 2 kilometry od domu mi najednou přestalo auto jet – musela jsem se vrátit pro manžela, aby mi pomohl. Když jsem dorazila domů, nemohla jsem uvěřit tomu, co jsem viděla. Byl v posteli se sousedovou dcerou. Je mi 32, manželovi 34 a jí 19. Jsme spolu 10 let. Manžel se mi přiznal, že spolu chodí víc než půl roku. Do manželské poradny nepůjde. Jsem úplně v koncích, prosím, pomoz mi.

Magda
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Milá Magdo,

že Ti přestalo jet auto po tak krátké cestě může být způsobeno mnoha příčinami.
Nejprve zkontroluj jestli není ucpaný přívod paliva. Pokud je čistý zkontroluj veškeré přívody vedoucí k motoru. Také zkontroluj kabely včetně ukostření. Jestli není problém tady, je potřeba provézt kontrolu palivového čerpadla jestli není poškozené a dává správné množství paliva.

Doufám, že jsem Ti pomohl
Honza

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What to Do When You Are Bored

Friday, January 29th, 2010

1. Kill a few Flies

2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour.

3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper… Let your imagination flow. (that is – - if you have one! I know I have non!!!)

Here are a few examples…

fly01

fly02

fly03

fly04

fly05

fly06

fly07

fly08

fly09

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Thought of the Day

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Don’t believe everything you think!!!
Maxine

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