Please be advised I am sick and tired of receiving questions about my dog who mauled six illegal immigrants, two gang rappers, nine teenagers with pants hanging down past their cracks, eight customer service desk people speaking in broken English, three flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver yelling allah akbar.
Congress has announced they intend to make it more difficult to claim Unemployment Benefits.
Starting next Monday, the forms will be printed in English.
Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way
they built them in England , and English expatriates
designed the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people
who built the pre-railroad tramways,
and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same
jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons,
which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels
would break on some of the old, long distance roads in
England , because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads
in Europe (including England ) for their legions.
Those roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts,
which everyone else had to match for fear of
destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial
Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge
of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original
specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.
Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a
specification/procedure/process and wonder
‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may
be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots
were made just wide enough to accommodate the
rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses’ asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad,
there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides
of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters,
or SRBs. The SRBs are made by
Thiokol at their factory in Utah
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have
preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs
had to be shipped by train from the factory to
the launch site. The railroad line from the factory
happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains,
and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.
The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track,
and the railroad track, as you now know,
is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature
of what is arguably the world’s most advanced
transportation system was determined over
two thousand years ago by the width
of a horse’s ass. And you thought being a
horse’s ass wasn’t important?
Ancient horse’s asses control almost everything…
And CURRENT Horses Asses in Washington
are controlling everything else!
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch & lovingly filled it with delicious seeds. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio above the table and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table.. Everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own good intentions and limited budget.
Other birds became unruly, boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be …. Quiet, serene…. and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let’s see…
Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for all those FREE services. Now we have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor.
Our child’s second grade class has fallen behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box. I have to press ‘one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more
rights and more freebies.
Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not, just continue cleaning up the poop.
She (or he for the ladies) will say anything you type. When you move the mouse around, her eyes follow the pointer. When you write something in the left space and then click on ‘Say it,’ she says it!
You can also change persons doing the talking and the language they speak.
Have fun!
http://www.oddcast.com/home/demos/tts/tts_example.php?sitepal
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Israel is the only country in the world where one need not check the ingredients on the products in the supermarket to avoid ending up with things containing pork.
Israel is a country where the same drivers who cuss you and flip you the bird will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you look like you need it.
Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.
Israel is the only country in the world where no one cares what rules say when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.
Israel is the only country in the world where reservists are bossed around and commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own children.
Israel is the only country in the world where “small talk” consists of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.
Israel is the only country in the world where the coffee is already so good that Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.
Israel is one of the few places in the world where the sun sets into the Mediterranean Sea .
Israel is the only country in the world whose soldiers eat three sets of salads a day, none of which contain any lettuce (which is not really a food), and where olives ARE a food and even a main course in a meal, rather than something one tosses into a martini.
Israel is the only country in the world where one is unlikely to be able to dig a cellar without hitting ancient archeological artifacts.
Israel is the only country in the world where the leading writers in the country take buses.
Israel is the only country in the world where the graffiti is in Hebrew.
Israel is the only country in the world where the “black folks” walking around all wear yarmulkes.
Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book Week, during which almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.
Israel is the only country in the world where the ultra-Orthodox Jews beat up the police and not the other way around.
Israel is the only country in the world where inviting someone “out for a drink” means drinking cola, coffee or tea.
Israel is the only country in the world where bank robbers kiss the mezuzah as they leave with their loot. (Loved this one)
Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and admires the United States .
Israel is the only country in the world that introduces applications of high-tech gadgets and devices, such as printers in banks that print out your statement on demand, years ahead of the United States and decades ahead of Europe .
Israel is the only country in the world that has the weather and landscape of California without the earthquakes.
Israel is the only country in the world where everyone on a flight gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.
Israel is the only country in the world where no one has a foreign accent because everyone has a foreign accent.
Israel is the only country in the world where people cuss using dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.
Israel is the only country in the world where patients visiting physicians end up giving the doctor advice.
Israel is the only country in the world where everyone strikes up conversations while waiting in lines.
Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attache case a “James Bond” and the “@” sign is called a “strudel”.
The obsession with sunflower seeds.
Israel is the only country in the world where there is the most mysterious and mystical calm ambiance in the streets on Yom Kippur, which cannot be explained unless you have experienced it.
Sunsets in Jerusalem gorgeous every evening.
Where people read English, write Hebrew, and joke in Yiddish.
Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Minot, ND , decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table,
asked him something in French (which Ole couldn’t understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language, so after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the
band was packing up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
Uff-dah!
