Posts Tagged ‘Mass’

Bad Memory Irish Style

Friday, April 29th, 2011

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Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass.
“What made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”
Murphy slowly shook his head. “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.

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A Jewish Christmas Story

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

The teacher was very curious about how each of her students’ celebrated Christmas Eve
“Tell me Patrick, what do you do on Christmas Eve?” she asked.
Patrick addressed the class. “Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.”
“Very nice Patrick, now Jimmy Brown, what do you do?”
“Well Miss, me and my sister go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever
so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Remembering there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now Jimmy Cohen, what do you do on Christmas Eve?”
“Well Miss, it’s the same old thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside we look at all the empty shelves and sing ” Oy, What a friend we have in Jesus”. Then we go to the Bahamas…

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