Posts Tagged ‘mom’

Little Larry

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Larry?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter, asked Larry ‘Giving up?’

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Larry quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’

Larry’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,”Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ? ”

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ….’

If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends!

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A Special Little Girl

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

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http://www.godvine.com/5-Year-Old-Cancer-Victim-Leaves-Behind-Messages-103.html

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When You’re from the Country, Your Perception is a Little Different

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

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An Illinois farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”

“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”

“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”‘

The boy thought for a moment. “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”

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Can You Feed your Baby While Exercising?

Saturday, January 29th, 2011

…this Mom can……….

Profiteurke-anmie

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One Mom’s Imagination

Saturday, January 15th, 2011

It’s incredible and admirable to me, what a great imagination some people have!! Look at these pictures…

This little girl’s mother is a computer specialist from Helsinki, Finland. While her daughter is soundly asleep, she creates a completely different world … from whatever she can find around her! That’s how both of them became really famous. What a truly fabulous imagination!

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A Knock Should Work, Shouldn’t It?

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT’S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: “BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.. BILLY SAYS: “I’M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN’T GONE ‘DOODY’ YET.” MOTHER SAYS: “OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?”

BILLY SAYS: “WORKS FOR KETCHUP.”

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The Birds and the Bees of 21st Century…

Monday, September 20th, 2010

Daddy, how was I born?

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A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘ Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down….You’ ll love this …….

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loveit

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babywinking

‘You got Male!’

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Mommy to Mom to Mother

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don’t eat quiche;
They don’t have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn’t come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don’t want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up…

Real Mothers sometimes ask ‘Why me?’
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, ‘Because I love you best.’

Real Mothers know that a child’s growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade…
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother…..

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE – My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE – My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother doesn’t know everything!

14 YEARS OF AGE – My Mother? She wouldn’t have a clue.

16 YEARS OF AGE – Mother? She’s so five minutes ago.

18 YEARS OF AGE – That old woman? She’s way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE – Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE – Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE – Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE – Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

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Mom’s Lap

Monday, March 15th, 2010

There is nothing like Mom’s lap no matter who you are. This is precious!!!!

This is a newborn offspring of Taskin, Gypsy Stallion, owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon .
These pictures were taken immediately after his birth. The mare laid down, and then he trotted around and crawled right up into her lap. What a picture of true love!

horse01

horse02

horse03

horse04

horse05

What more can you say, it’s just beautiful!

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Mommy and her Little Girl

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.
‘Mommy,’ the little girl asks, ‘how old are you?’
‘Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,’ the mother replied. ‘It’s not polite.’
‘OK’, the little girl says,
‘How much do you weigh?’
‘Now really,’ the mother says, ‘those are personal questions and are really none of your business.’
Undaunted, the little girl asks, ‘Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?’
‘That’s enough questions, young lady! Honestly!’
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
‘My Mom won’t tell me anything about herself,’ the little girl says to her friend.
‘Well,’ says the friend, ‘all you need to do is look at her driver’s license. It’s like a report card, it has everything on it.’
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, ‘I know how old you are. You are 32.’
The mother is surprised and asks,
‘How did you find that out?
‘I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.’
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
‘How in Heaven’s name did you find that out?’
‘And,’ the little girl says triumphantly, ‘I know why you and daddy got a divorce..’
‘Oh really?’ the mother asks. ‘Why?’
‘Because you got an F in sex.’

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