Posts Tagged ‘Office’

Dentist Humor

Monday, October 31st, 2011

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Dentist with a sense of humour….

The other day, a gentleman went to a Dentist’s office to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist takes out a freezing needle to give him a shot.

“No way”! No needles! “I hate needles”, the man said.

The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected.

“I can’t do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me”!

The Dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection”, the man said. “I’m fine with pills”.

The Dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra tablet”.

The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, “WOW”! “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer”!

“It doesn’t”, said the Dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”

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Did I Read the Sign Right?

Sunday, June 12th, 2011

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In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

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Being Married

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

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Housework was a woman’s job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, ‘Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex’.

The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it. ‘We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening’.

‘But what about afterward?’ asked her friends.

‘Oh, that…….. Ralph was too tired.’

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Then and Now

Friday, November 12th, 2010

Back in 1929 Financial Crash it was
said that some Wall Street Stockbrokers
and Bankers JUMPED from their office
windows and committed suicide when
confronted with the news of their firms
and clients financial ruin . . .

Many people were said to almost feel
a little sorry for them . . . . . . .

By now the attitude has somewhat changed:

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jump

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This is too Funny

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

Note the shrubs!

Guess where this is…….

viagrashrubs

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Viagra head office – seriously!

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Kids Names

Monday, January 4th, 2010

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
‘WOW!’ the social worker exclaims. ‘Are they all yours?”
‘Yep, they are all mine,’ the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, ‘Sit down Leroy.’ All the children rush to find seats.
‘Well,’ says the social worker, ‘then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.’
‘Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named ‘Leroy’ and the girls are all named ‘Leighroy’.’
In disbelief, the case worker. ‘Are you serious? They’re ALL named Leroy?’
Their momma replied, ‘Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ An when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Leroy!’ an they all comes a runnin. An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Leroy.’
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, ‘But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch ?’
‘Then I call them by their last names.’

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Square Testicles

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money..

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, ‘$165,000′. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprise d and asked, ‘What kind of bets?’
The elderly woman replied, ‘Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.’
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that..
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, ‘Would you like to take my bet?’
‘Certainly’, replied the president. ‘I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.’
‘Done’, the elderly woman answered. ‘But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 o’clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.’
‘No problem’, said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. ‘Of course’, said the president. ‘Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.’

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
‘Oh, it’s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !’

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Some Stuff Just Can’t be Made up…

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Wal-Mart Cake

make sure you read the story under the picture….. Keep in mind this actually really did happen.

Apparently, this cake was for someone who was moving from an insurance claims office.

cake

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: ‘Hello ‘dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?’
Customer: ‘ I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.’
Walmart Employee: ‘What you want on da cake?’
Customer: ‘Best Wishes Suzanne’ and underneath that ‘We will miss you’..

STOP LAUGHING!
You can’t fix stupid!

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Thought of the Day

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

Get rid of the clutter in your house, car, office… Let new energy enter into your life.

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At the Office

Thursday, May 14th, 2009
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