Beware of that Underwear Dust
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’ His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the […]
The New Supermarket
A new Publix supermarket opened. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. In the […]
Affaire
Een vrouw had een geheime affaire terwijl haar man op het werk was. Op een dag lag ze met haar minnaar in bed, toen ze plotseling haar man’s auto de oprit hoorde komen. O mijn God, haast je! Grijp je kleren, riep ze naar haar minnaar, en spring uit het raam, mijn man komt thuis. […]
Dear Tide
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mum always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new […]
Church Bulletins
They’re Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins! These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services… ——————————————————— The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ———————————————————- The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ ———————————————————- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM […]
New Drug for Women
DAMNITOL Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. EMPTYNESTROGEN Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out! ST. MOMMA’S WORT Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by […]
The Price of Gas
A Thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then […]
Anniversary Present
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra […]
Wine vs. Water
To everybody who enjoys a glass of wine… And those who don’t. As someone ones said: In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of […]
The “Foot-In-Mouth” Disease!
Here are the top 10 comments made by NBC sports commentators and a contestant during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back but, alas… 1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.” 2. Dressage commentator: “This is really […]