Posts Tagged ‘Wife’
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”
Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.”
Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse!”
“Ma replies, “Stick yur head in the hole!”
Pa yells back, “I ain’t stickin my head in that hole!
“Ma says, “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with this outhouse!”
Ma hollers back, “Now take your head out of the hole!”
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, “Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!”
To which Ma replies, “Hurts, don’t it?!”
Tags: Beard, Fix, Help, Husband, Ma, Outhouse, Pa, Wife
Posted in Fun Pictures, Interesting Pictures, Jokes | No Comments »
Tuesday, October 18th, 2011
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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man,
“Why are you eating grass?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
“Sir, you are too kind.”
“Thank you for taking all of us with you”.
The lawyer replied,
“Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”
Tags: Children, Grass, Kind, Lawyer, Limousine, Men, Poor, Wife
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »
Wednesday, September 14th, 2011
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I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yelled to me,
‘You need a piece of tail.’
I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.’
Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Husband, Tail, Wife, Window
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »
Thursday, September 8th, 2011
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 A.M. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.”
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replies, “That would be my wife.”
Tags: A Police STOP at 1 AM, Lecture, Night, Old Man, police, Wife
Posted in Fun Pictures, Jokes | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 29th, 2011
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When Stan Munro started Toothpick City I in 2003, he convinced his wife that this might be an actual job.
Whether she really believed him, or just reveled at the thought of a husband spending all his time in the basement, she supported him. She helped him in every way imaginable, and when Toothpick City sold in 2005, she helped him spend the money.
“My wife is the only sponsor I’ve ever needed,” Stan admits. “She’s a pretty good boss, and she doesn’t mind if I work all day in my underwear”
Stan was born in Rochester, NY in 1970. He has family in New York City and Seattle, WA. Before making large toothpick structures for a living, he was the “Wacky Morning Guy” on 13WHAM-TV, in his hometown of Rochester, NY.
He worked at other TV stations in Albany, NY, Watertown, NY, and Seattle, WA. For several years before that, Stan worked for True Detective magazine, traveling the country writing true-crime stories.
A handful of other jobs scatter through his past, but toothpicking was always there. In college (Fashion Institute of Technology), Stan built toothpick structures as a hobby and gave them away as gifts. His first introduction to toothpicks was in grade school when Stan’s art teacher instructed the class to make a toothpick structure that was six inches tall and could hold an egg. Stan’s held his desk.
Today, Stan lives in Syracuse, NY, with his beautiful wife and four Shi-Tzus. He has no plans to stop toothpicking anytime soon. Life is good.
Tags: Boss, Good, New York, Stan Munro, Toothpick City, Washington, Wife
Posted in Fun Pictures, Interesting Pictures, Life, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tuesday, March 29th, 2011
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Tags: Husband, Manzel, Manzelka, One Husband's Story, Príbeh Jedného Manžela, Wife
Posted in Czech, Dutch, French, Fun Pictures, Hungarian, Interesting Pictures, Jokes, PowerPoint, Russian, Slovak | No Comments »
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
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When I saw the title of this email in my inbox, I thought it was a joke! It is NOT a JOKE!!!! This is the SCARY REALITY of Arab women!! I couldn’t watch this to the end, makes me so angry!!
Someone needs to cut these men’s d**s off!!!
=====> Wife_Beating_Etiquette < =====
Tags: Angry, arab, Beating, Etiquette, Men, Reality, Scary, Wife, Wife Beating Etiquette, Women
Posted in Life, Political, Religious, Uncategorized, Video, WMV | No Comments »
Thursday, March 10th, 2011
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Housework was a woman’s job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, ‘Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex’.
The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it. ‘We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening’.
‘But what about afterward?’ asked her friends.
‘Oh, that…….. Ralph was too tired.’
Tags: Being Married, Children, Dinner, Fool, Friends, Husband, Laundry, Office, Wife, Women
Posted in Fun Pictures, Interesting Pictures, Jokes | No Comments »
Sunday, January 16th, 2011
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
‘What’s that big brass gong for?’ one of the guests asked.
‘Why, that’s my Speaking Clock’ the man replied.
‘How does it work?’
‘I’ll show you’, the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
‘For *****sake, you wanker, it’s twenty to two in the *******morning!!’
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A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him,
‘Why do you keep looking in your pocket?’
The man replies, ‘I have a picture of my wife in there.. When she looks good enough, I’ll go home!’
Tags: Bar, Beer, Clock, Hammer, Home, Jokes, Men, Pocket, Speaking, Wife
Posted in Jokes | No Comments »
