Man: If I lost all of my money would you still love me?
Woman: Yes, I would still love you. I would miss you, but I would still love you.
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An older married woman got hauled into court for stealing a can of peaches.
The judge asked, “Why?”
She said, “I was hungry.”
Judge said, “Sorry, you committed a crime. I have to sentence you. How many peaches were in the can?”
Woman said, “Six.”
Judge said, “I’m giving you a day in jail for every peach you took.”
Just before he banged his gavel down the woman’s husband said, “May I speak?”
Judge said, “Go ahead.”
The old guy said, “She stole a can of peas too.”
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A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and wanting an unusual pet. After some discussion he bought a talking centipede, housed in a little white box. On Sunday he wanted to take his new pet to church. He asked the centipede,”Would you like to go to church with me today?
There was no answer from his new pet.
He waited a few minutes and asked again,”How about going to church with me and receive blessings?”.
Again there was no answer.
After waiting patiently, he decided to ask his new pet one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted,”Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?”.
This time a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first time!I’m putting my shoes on!”