Posts Tagged ‘Kids’
Why Kids Need a Pet
Thursday, November 17th, 2011Zonkey
Tuesday, September 6th, 2011
It’s ALWAYS the kids that suffer. His name is Zonkey.
Living Will
Friday, June 10th, 2011
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
Saturday, October 23rd, 2010
Written by kids..
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
– Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
– Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they’re rich.
– Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- – Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- – Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
– Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
– Ricky, age 10
Moral of the Story
Monday, August 30th, 2010
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one,
began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.
Janie, do you have a story to share?’
”Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t
break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
”Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. ‘What
did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
“Stay away from Mommy when she’s been drinking.”
Talented Kids
Sunday, March 14th, 2010http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN2SQ4m7M04&feature=player_embedded#
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq5kZi1GF5I&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fXufBMkrEg&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jCLIaZAtQk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsJO4gWYGH0&feature=related
Angels Explained By Children
Thursday, February 25th, 2010Too darned cute!!!
-Gregory, age 5
Everybody’s got it all wrong. Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
-Olive, age 9
It’s not easy to become an angel! First, you die.
Then you go to Heaven, and then there’s still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
-Matthew, age 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else…
-Mitchell, age 7
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for science.
-Henry, age 8
Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!
-Jack, age 6
Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven.. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
-Daniel, age 9
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath again, somewhere there’s a tornado.
-Reagan, age 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter.
-Sara, age 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very good carpenter.
-Jared, age 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t go for it.
-Antonio, age 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
-Ashley, age 9
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
-Vicki, age 8
What I don’t get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.
-Sarah, age 7
The Meaning of Valentine
Thursday, January 14th, 2010Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.
‘Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint, and we’re Jewish,’ she asks, ‘Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says: ‘No, I don’t think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?’
‘Osama Bin Laden,’ she says.
‘Why Osama Bin Laden?’ her father asks in shock.
‘Well,’ she says, ‘I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.’
Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. ‘Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.’
‘I know, ‘ Melissa says, ‘and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the fucker.’
Kids Names
Monday, January 4th, 2010A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
‘WOW!’ the social worker exclaims. ‘Are they all yours?”
‘Yep, they are all mine,’ the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, ‘Sit down Leroy.’ All the children rush to find seats.
‘Well,’ says the social worker, ‘then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.’
‘Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named ‘Leroy’ and the girls are all named ‘Leighroy’.’
In disbelief, the case worker. ‘Are you serious? They’re ALL named Leroy?’
Their momma replied, ‘Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ An when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Leroy!’ an they all comes a runnin. An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Leroy’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Leroy.’
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, ‘But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch ?’
‘Then I call them by their last names.’
Kids are Quick
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also
admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
