Posts Tagged ‘Bartender’

Woman in a Pub

Monday, September 5th, 2011

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub…
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replied.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes.. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slowly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth And allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.
“Tell him,” she whispered,
“There’s no toilet paper, soap, or towels in the ladies room.”

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How the World Works Lately

Monday, October 25th, 2010

chef

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and
die of lung cancer,

Your family blames the Tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners,

boylittle
You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED BUTT is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates…

woman&PC

Have a nice day

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A Bar Joke

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini.”

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,

“What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, ”168.”

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious…So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini.”

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,

“What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “100.”

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Kokannee, and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini,” and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, ”Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says,……

“So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?”

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